Toronto Roller Derby - Season 6 Opener - Feb 4th

Now, I've never actually been to a real, live roller derby, but the folks at Toronto Roller Derby have been added to my "Like" list on the ol' Facebook. The downside? You've got to make your way all the way up to Downsview park to take in the event. The upside? Booze & bruising babes bashing and brawling in board-to-board bouts... This post is brought to you by the letter B. Deal with it.

The Toronto Roller Derby is the largest flat-track league in Canada, with four of its own house teams, a travel team, a farm team, and over 100 active skaters. They've even spawned a couple of other teams that train and compete out of other locations in the city. It's had five seasons so far, with each bringing bigger crowds, and a bigger following than the last. Check out last year's promo video:






Event Details:


On Saturday, February 4th, 2012, they'll kick off their sixth season with two matches - the cleverly named D-VAS (one of the Toronto teams spun-off from ToRD) will fight amongst themselves, then the Gore Gore Rollergirls will take on 2011 Toronto Champions Chicks Ahoy. No, I'm not making these names up.

Doors at 5:00, early bout at 6:00. Food & booze for sale at the venue. $14 in advance from their website, or $12 advance from ticket outlets listed on the Facebook event page.


Rules:

So, we all know it's cool chicks in themed outfits smashing into each other at high speeds, but what's the actual object? They play according to the Women's Flat Track Derby Association's rules. Basically, there's a flat oval track that's between 13 and 15 feet wide , and about 90 feet long. It's played in 2 x 30 minute periods, each divided into multiple "jams", which are races to score points. Each jam is two minutes or less, and has a maximum of four Blockers (including one Pivot) and a Jammer (see below).

There are three main positions players play - Blocker, Pivot, and Jammer. The Jammer is the one who does the scoring of points by passing opposing skaters (except the first time through the pack). Each skater she passes is a point. Blockers don't score points, and skate in "the pack"... basically to gum up the works and keep the Jammers from skating by by "blocking" or bodychecking them. Pivots are a special blocker that can turn into a Jammer if the "star" is passed to her by swapping helmet covers. Phew. Got all that?

General info on all upcoming shows, and for those ladies of sound constitution, how to skate with the teams is on their Facebook page. They're also selling calendars to raise awareness and funds for the fight against prostate cancer. As the proud owner of a prostate (or so my Doctor claims when he's spelunking), that's a whole lotta allllright.

I, for one, am looking forward to some lively competition and good times. The only question is, who should I root for? My support is up for auction.

No worries. It's all good.

The Real Jerk is Closing!

Now, normally I try to keep it to happy news, and refrain from posting things that I don't like, but this bears mentioning, if for nothing more than motivating you to get out and make one last stop at this Tdot institution.

According to an article in the Toronto Star, The Real Jerk, a Jamaican-Canadian-owned Caribbean restaurant that's graced the corner of Queen & Broadview for the better part of 30 years is the latest casualty of condominium developers. No word on if the mural will form part of the glass & concrete exterior.

I'm taking this one a little bit personally, since it's been a place where so many fond memories were made. Back when we were young and unencumbered by things like debt and morals, we used to fuel up there before attending all-night dance-a-thons (or something like that) at the nearby Opera House.

Every two months a group of us would descend on the Jerk to devour some delicious jerk pork or roti, and guzzle down the generously poured double rum & cokes. We would endure its service provided on "island time" and the somewhat forgetful servers along with everyone else because the chaw is the real deal.

Doors close at the end of January, so you've still got a few weeks to get down there for one last hurrah. I'd suggest a reservation, since you won't be the only one making the pilgrimage. 709 Queen East. Main courses $10-15.

Hopefully it finds a new location, and hopefully nearby, since the only other pre-drink option is Jilly's... well, maybe it's not all bad, but I wouldn't trust the burgers...

It's all good, before it's all gone. Get 'r India.

January music picks!!!

January 11 - Caveman - The (Legendary) Horseshoe Tavern

A five piece band out of Brooklyn, USA, they're not the peppiest of songwriters, but if you're in the mood for beautifully composed indie rock/folk/godknows, with a bit of a poetic edge to the lyrics (i.e. thinking music), check these dudes out. Wow, that was a long sentence. They're still pretty raw, and on their way up, but that's understandable considering they've only been together a few years. Don't believe me? Check out Exhibit A:




They're playing alongside co-Brooklyn-ite chick-led peppy/cheeky-indie-style Hospitality, (that's a hell of a lot of hyphens) and Volcano Playground, another orchestral-sounding 70's-ish style band out of Tdot, who desperately need to get something other than Myspace where people can listen to their shit. This jam is at my absolute favourite rock dive, and should be a great way to spend your Hump Night. $12 on the door.

January 14 - Ginger St. James & The Grinders - The Dakota Tavern
 
Alright, so I've blogged about this chick before, but you probably haven't gotten off of your couch to see her play yet, have you? Right, so, here's your chance. She's got one of the best voices I've heard in a loooonnnngggg frickin' time, and a wonderful stage presence. She'll have her whole band in tow on this night, which promises to be a rollicking good time. The Dakota is a honky-tonkin' good time at the worst of times, and she'll rock the place. Don't miss it. $10 on the door.




January 20 - Real Estate - Lee's Palace

A band out of New Jersey, and a little reminiscent of the Arkells. it's hard to believe that they've only been rolling together for a little over three years. They're known as a "band to watch" by many, and they're on their way up. Catch them now for their lovely song-writing, if only so you can brag that you saw them "back before they were big."

These boys are playing Lee's Palace, another great rock dive/must experience kind of place.

January 20 - Stanton Warriors - Ame
A breakbeat duo out of the UK, Stanton Warriors have been on the case since 1998. Their sound has evolved from speed garage, which, let's be honest, nobody ever really liked... but these dudes have taken it to the next level. Ranging from haunting to cheeky, all of it danceable, you can just close your eyes and move to their sets. No thinking required. So, if you're up for a little rump shakin', this is your jam.




Different kind of venue too - Ame - a high end sushi joint at 19 Mercer St. Curious to see how well it converts. $25 advance tickets, more on the door.

December 28 - Birthday Bass - Nocturne
 

If you haven't gotten all of your rump-shaking out of your system at the Stanton Warriors the night before, then check out the lovely Lady Bass' birthday jam at Nocturne. Some of Toronto's top hard house spinners are making an appearance to drop big, bassy, dancefloor-driven tunes to help Ms. Bass celebrate another year. She throws semi-regular jams, every month or two in the same space, and the lineup is always top-notch. Check out the website for more details. Free before 11, $5 after. BYODS.

December 29 - Collie Buddz - Sound Academy

Probably best known for his hit "Day & Night," this pot-centric reggae artist out of Bermuda. He credits Tdot as being his "home away from home" and claims that he wrote most of his biggest song here. This jam is sure to be packed, as Tdot shows its love best for those who love it. He's touring in support of his "Playback" release of last year.

My personal favourite made one badass drum n' bass remix. I gave you his original, just for the sensuous pace of it. $21.50 + service charge (so $24-5).


Enjoy your mild & wild January, 'cos it's alllllll good. ;-)

Ginger St. James

Every now and then, you make some random musical discovery that you can then spend the next months and years delighting in introducing that musician to them. For me, Ginger St. James is that artist.

I caught her performance at a burlesque show in boring ol' Ottawa one random winter's night, and spent the rest of the evening in aural bliss. Somehow she manages to fit the singing voice of a thousand old jazz singers into her tiny little frame. Hints of Etta James and Patsy Cline show through in her sound (and maybe a little Lucille Bogan in her subject matter). I have, on a few occasions, watched peoples' jaws drop, quite literally, when she opens her mouth to sing.

She plays the blues oh-so-well, and also dips into jazz and country. Her live sets are generally a mix of her originals, and her take on the classics. Her originals bear the mark of her country/small town upbringing, and range from cheeky, to funergetic, to raunchy, and down to soulfully sad. Though not yet the strongest lyricist, as her songwriting progresses, so to will her upward trajectory. With a voice like hers, so long as she sticks with the game, the descriptor "incomparable" may well become apt.

Don't believe me? Fine. I'll prove it. Check out this live version of "Don't Deceive Me," a standard sung by the likes of Chuck Willis and Little Richard alike. I'd take Ms. St. James' version three times out of four.


Grab her first studio LP with her band, the Grinders - Spank, Sparkle & Growl, off of her site, as well as iTunes and Amazon. A little birdie informs me that she's in the studio working on her first full album, and it should be out early in the new year, so keep checking back.

She's based in Toronto now, and keeps a busy schedule. You can see her live at the always-rowdy Magpie Tavern every Monday, starting Dec 19th, and running until Jah knows when. 831 Dundas St. West.

(Try to) Keep track of her on Facebook, or her website, GingerStJames.com.

Understatement of the week: It's all good. ;)

Sneaky Dee’s Nachos

If you want nachos in the city, this is where you go. Period. Their heart-stopping mountains of tortillas and toppings are the stuff of legend, and if you’ve never had them in you, stop reading and go right now. OK, wait, finish reading, then go. Otherwise, why would I write the rest of this?

Sneaky’s is about as authentic as you can get. Established in 1987, at the none-too-classy corner of College & Bathurst, the place is a dive. It always has been, and hopefully always will be. The bathroom walls bear more permanent marker than the face of the first person to pass out at a frat party. The men’s room floors make it apparent that the patrons have little chance of winning any medals in any sport involving aiming. The concert venue upstairs has hosted some racous jams, that I'm proud to have survived. It’s loud, crowded, and the booths bear the signs of some 25 years of heavy traffic. Sometimes there’s quite a wait for a table, which in this city generally means you’re on to a good thing. Let’s just call it “character” and move on.

Its cheap pitchers of home brew and own brand of hot sauce ($5 a bottle to take home) make it a staple of university life for U of T students. They’ve quite often got bands playing in the back, and one-off events in the upstairs. Now, as a grown-up, I wouldn’t rush to make it my regular joint, nor would it be my ultimate destination for a night on the town. Once you’ve been there, however, it will call to you from time to time. It’s more than just a general desire for nachos. I’ve learned to identify it as a specific craving for Sneaky Dee’s. In the way that vinyl always sounded better when Mr. Brown would play it on the shitty speakers at 2theBeat, or wines always taste better in the cellars at the vineyard, nachos just taste better at Sneaky’s. Scienticians have tried for years to explain it, with little luck. I, for one, would rather chalk it up to a confluence of cosmic forces, and order another pitcher.

Brass tacks – let’s talk nachos.

I have a penchant for the King’s Crown platter. Some places claim their nachos are piled high with toppings. They’ve really just got topping envy. For $15.50, this monster has salsa, frijoles, beef, tomatoes, onions, pappers, jalapenos, cheese, guacamole and sour cream in such volumes that you need a fork to get at ‘em by the end. There’s no shame in eating the guac/bean/meat/salsa/sour cream slurry that will inevitably remain once the last chip has been fished out and consumed. In fact, it’s strongly encouraged. One platter is enough to fuel three normal humans, or two stoned teenagers.

There are, however, different ways to skin the proverbial cat. I have friends (surprised?) that swear by the compartmentalization of the nachos. The basic nachos, with guac, salsa, and sour cream on the side is a favourite of Doctors and Medical Residents everywhere. They also feature Greek, Veggie, and Hawaiian, or you can craft your own by adding toppings.

What’ll it cost you?

Nachos: &7.95 for simple chips & cheese - $15.50 for the King's Crown. Bring a friend.

Beer: $11 or so for a pitcher. I like their red best.

You can't go wrong at Sneaky's... 'cos it's alllll good. ;)

December Music Picks!!!

What do you want to be humming in the morning? Or, in some cases, what do you want to make your ears ring until the next evening? Here's my picks for what should be some great shows in the month of December!

Bon Iver - Massey Hall - December 6

Touring in support of their self-titled second album, these Yanks are continuing an upwards trajectory. A recent discovery for this cat, it's not hard to fall in love with the very pretty harmonies they put together. From all accounts, lead singer Justin Vernon hardly needs any backing to captivate a crowd, and ol' Massey Hall should be a great showcase for them. Almost makes me wish I wasn't shredding powder in the Rockies when this one goes down. Tickets from TicketMaster are $58.14-63.14 including fees.



The Sheepdogs - Lee's Palace - December 9 & 10

A little bit bluesy, a little bit rocky, a whole lot of good. A little reminiscent of old Guess Who or CCR in the riffs & harmonies, they might be the best thing to come out of Saskatoon since Gordie Howe. They'll certainly entertain more on this night, no offence Gordie. This is part of 102.1 The Edge's holiday concert series, and $1 from every ticket goes to the Food Bank. Great music, great cause. General admission tickets are $20.



DJ Hype - Guvernment - December 16

One of the world's filthiest drum n' bass acts touches down in Tdot for a little dancefloor mayhem. If you've only ever heard one dnb tune, it's probably his - Ready or Not. He's been on the case since 1989, and showing no signs of slowing down. I've seen him a bunch of times already, and he kills it each & every time. Playing on one of the biggest, guts-scrambling systems in the city, with some crazy frickin' lighting will only enhance dem 'tings.

This jam has Commix (UK - Hospital) as second headliner, and the ever-present MC Daddy Earl gracing the mic. Toronto's own legend, Marcus Visionary provides local support with Everfresh, plus MCs JD, Caddy Cad & Trajady on the mic.

Tickets are $25 advance, more on the door. 19+ only, sorry kiddies.

Do. Not. Miss. This.

Canadian Brass & Toronto Symphony Orchestra - Roy Thomson Hall - December 20 & 21

Call me campy if you like, but I fucking love Christmas. Lights, store windows, good wine, turkey, and old familiar Christmas songs. I mean, we all know the only real Christmas album is Bing Crosby's 'White Christmas,' but since he's long since passed (and his daughter just doesn't have the barritone to pull it off), the Canadian Brass Christmas concerts have been a staple of the holidays for a coon's age. Tickets range from $31-109.

Oldschool Boxing Day Blowout - Footwork - December 26

A favourite pasttime of any downtown dweller, what better way to sweat out turkey gravy than by shaking yourself down to some oldschool Tdot residents? Ignore the irony of a footwork event being called a blowout, and concentrate on the lineup.

I'm particularly excited to see Flippy do his thing - though I'm not sure if he's MCing or playing a DJ set. Grimace is sure to bust out the oldschool 94 rave choonage as well, so you've got other reasons to get there early... other than $2 drinks from 9-10.

No guestlist. Check Footwork's site for more details.

Of course, this only scratches the surface of the great shows, so get out there and explore. After all, it's all good. ;)

Sundayfundays at Scotland Yard

Ahhhh the Esplanade... (noun: es-pluh-nahd. An open, level, public space, especially one serving for public walks or drives). Heh, you learn something every day. As the nearest real neighbourhood to the financial district, this place is rife with young professionals, downtown dwellers drawn in by the St. Lawrence market, and a few tourists checking out the Old Spaghetti Factory with their chubby little kids. It's also stocked with bars, restaurants, and little galleries that all seem out of the way. Sure, it's got a Biermarkt (the original, I think), and a Keg, but it's also got some solid pubs.

Among the solid pubs stands Scotland Yard, a pub that's graced the Esplanade for 25 years. Outside (like that's a concern at this type of year) they've got a great patio, with leafy trees providing good shade. Sitting on a quieter street, you'll feel a little removed from the hustle and or bustle of town. It's an odd vibe inside, with all sorts of antique-store clutter hanging from the ceiling - old fans & light fixtures, paintings, mirrors - the works. It's broken down into two wings, with a big C-shaped bar in the middle, as you come in. There are a few TV & projection screens scattered about. A bit more of a clean, modern feel than the worn-in pub feel that us white boys prefer, but an easy place to be in, nonetheless.

What gets this place into the list of good things? I'm glad you asked. Really. Its combination of awesomeness on Sundays is something I haven't found anywhere else in the city yet.

$6 double caesars. Yes, that delicious mashup of clam, tomato and vodka is a frickin' bargain on the day when 83% of the normal human beings in this city are nursing a hangover. They're served with an extreme bean instead of celery, for major league bonus points.

$5 pints. This included Mill Street's delicious Tankhouse lager. Solid price for the 'hood.

$6 wings. They came out hot & fresh, though the hottest they could do is Frank's Extra Hot, which is a good indicator that a place isn't serious about dem chickens. The fact that they were on sale on a Sunday afternoon (2-6 pm) is what makes it awesome. Standard size, and not particularly special, they did hit the spot. Y'know... the spot right between the double caesar and the pint of dark beer. Yeahhhhh....

Service. I can't remember her name for the life of me, but the server was not only fun, quick-witted, and a giver of solid high-fives, but she was killing a hangover at the same time. I can only imagine her operating at full capacity. Attentive, and part of the experience without hovering or harassing. Well done, blonde girl. Well done.

Long story short, roll out of bed on a Sunday afternoon, and limp down to the Yard for a SundayFunday startup before hitting the north market for some groceries. It's all good.